Superstitions – Good luck versus Bad luck?

As I walked past a shopping mall, my eyes fell on the heavy discounts it offered on various essential products. I immediately called my shopaholic aunt. (Well, who wouldn’t take such benefits, if not her?) And, obviously, she rushed to the shopping mall only to return home midway as if an emergency had prevented her! 

Well, her emergency turned out to be a cause of astonishment for me. “I forgot that it’s ‘Shanivaar’ (Saturday).” She said, “So no new items!” Her illogical belief amuses me and provokes me to think: How, in the present era of illuminating scientific developments, the shadow of superstitions still hovers over the minds of modern people?

Superstition – The oxford dictionary describes it as “the belief that particular events bring good luck or bad luck and that cannot be explained by reason or science”. Now, if you think it as a “cause & event” analysis, then a new, practical definition would come up: a particular, seemingly ordinary event that has the immense potential to cause an exaggerated, illogical and comical behavior in a person!

Throwing light on above, consider a group of superstitious interviewees who are anxiously hurrying for an interview, praying that the entire day fares well.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, a black cat crosses their path-Alas! Bad luck! The obvious reaction of interviewees: startling body language changes signaling an inauspicious start like abruptly skidding to a stop, lots of gasps, groans and gesticulations, a sudden increase of anxiety attacks and no matter how late they might be they wouldn’t cross the path until someone other crosses it! By the time they resume, their already tensed mind is peppered with negative thoughts! (Well, as for that ominous black cat, it may feel itself as a feared creature!)

Keeping intact the above situation let me replace the cat with an elephant! Wow! Good luck! The obvious reaction – Body language changes signaling auspicious start like the sudden friendliness and respect towards this creature (the symbol of Lord Ganesh), anxiety evaporates instantly replaced by a sudden upsurge of faith! And, by the time the elephant moves on, one could see the interviewees in a much better mood than they had been minutes before (probably thinking that now no force could stop them to pass an interview!)

Like above there are numerous occurrences of superstitious force playing around us in our everyday life ranging from comical to ridiculous to even unhygienic, all being the products of old traditions, customs and long followed religions. Seeing a peacock (good journey), eating curd with jaggery before a journey, breaking mirrors (bad omen), sneezing before you leave your house (bad day, do watch out!), opening umbrella inside the house (probably you won’t get married!), lizard falling on head (death is looming overhead!), dogs howling in the night (death is stalking nearby!), standing under a peepal or banyan tree (evil spirits may possess you!), hanging lemon and chili in the entrance of your shop to ward off evil spirits (or even hanging them around your neck in some parts of India!), hiccupping (someone is thinking about you!) not bathing or not changing clothes for days or even months (seriously unhygienic!), deeper the color of bride’s mehandi, deeper the love of the groom (no doubt, today’s brides are using cosmetic products to darken the color of their mehandi!). Foregoing were the few instances of human idiosyncrasies!

From a demographic perspective, one may confidently argue that today’s modern societies or young generations are impervious to the sway of superstitions, owing to growing awareness, education, literacy hike rates, information explosion and rationalized thinking, unlike the socially and economically backward strata of societies. But that remains a debatable issue. On meticulous scrutiny, you may elicit that even the ultra modern section of the society, sometimes, do become the servitudes of superstitious forces. 

Oh yes, in simple terms, compare it with a low tide and high tide catalysts – During normal, low tide- uneventful-days, these people do not care so much about good or bad signs greeting them now and then.  But during high tide-eventful-days –  like a wedding event, inauguration ceremony, exam day or result day, social event, going for an interview or first day at job – the same category of people are, all of a sudden, more prone and receptive to good or bad omens, overacting, overreacting and overdoing things, often resulting in human folly!

You may have found the above instances of superstitions as generally innocuous, harmless and inoffensive. However, on a serious note, one cannot deny the heinous and evil forms of superstitions prevalent in our country. The ancient India witnessed wicked practices of Sati-pratha, witch-hunting, black magic, girl child-abortion-murder, castration, widow-ignominy, animal and human sacrifices to Gods, and many more that have been majorly curbed, thanks to the crusaders and social reformers like Raja Ram Mohan Ray and Swami Vivekananda. 

But shamefully, headlines of these malevolent practices still crop up in various parts of India resulting in unnecessary killing of innocents and adding to social stigmas and human despondency. The obvious reasons: sheer lack of education, woeful ignorance, false beliefs which are deeply rooted in minds and human bigotry. Serious contemplation by the government, pragmatic methods of disseminating education and awareness is needed to suppress such practices.                             

Scientifically speaking, superstition is not the causative factor to bring any good luck or bad luck. So what does? Well, it is our thoughts, our disposition and our interpretation of events that really counts. Interestingly, if we think any event to be a good omen then we are right and if we think it as a bad omen, then also we are right! The simple logic, though hard to follow, is – Our way of thinking is the very seed that blossoms into good luck or bad luck! As goes the famous adage – “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”        

Turn your life in 10 minutes!

My dad once told me: “You can apply the 10 minutes mantra to turn around your life in a tremendous way.”

 I didn’t understand at first. “What’s the big deal in 10 minutes?” I asked.

“There’s indeed a big deal about it. 10 minutes, believe me son, can create a marvellous difference in our life,” my dad offered wisely.

“Elaborate please, dad,”

“I’ll tell you. But first, you’ve to get up tomorrow at 6.00 am.” My dad conditioned. I agreed.

Next day, as I woke up at the agreed time, my dad came to my room.

“What’s the time?”

“6.00 am” I replied.

“Okay, so before you can follow the 10 minutes mantra, you have to follow the art of being aware about the clock,”

I was confused. My dad continued, “Look at the clock. It’s 6.00 am. Now within 10 minutes I ask you to do the following: Arrange your bed and your table; drink two glasses of water, wash your face and brush your teeth. But keep looking at your clock while doing these. That’s it”

“Well…Okay,” I said, thinking what could be the catch my dad wanted me to capture.

I began and started doing all he asked. All the time, I kept glancing at the wall clock. Finally after 10 minutes (or 30 seconds earlier to be exact) I had finished it all.

“Well done, boy. You have turned around your life!” My dad praised, patting on my back.

“What?” I was astonished and puzzled, unable to grasp, and asked earnestly “I didn’t get you, dad.”

 “Think, son, think!” My dad urged, “Recall your earlier days. How did your day started off?”

I racked my brains and pondered over. Usually, I wake up at 6.00 am. Then, I wander off, yawning lazily and even sleep for some more minutes or sit idly on my chair, my thoughts in thousand directions. And, by the time I finished the above activities, it was already past 7.00 am.

“And today, it’s just 6.10 am” my dad said as if he read my mind.

“Yes!” I exclaimed, starting to understand.

“So what made you do it?” my dad asked.

I thought. What made me do it? Because my dad told me to do? No, no; there was more to it. And then it hit me:

“The art of being aware about the clock!” I almost shouted.

“Yes and also ten minutes.” My dad said, smiling at my wonderstruck face.

My dad explained: “By setting your eyes on the clock and thinking about 10 minutes, your mind got focused in that span of 10 minutes. It was just like a deadline or a due date. The “10 minutes” deadline kept your mind in the present; in the “now” and prevented you from wandering off.”

I was impressed. Just a matter of meagre 10 minutes had such a mighty effect! I had completed all those routine activities on time.  Now, I felt I have so much time ahead (as compared to 7.00am, it was just 6.10 am!). With so much time saved, I could work on creative and productive activities, instead of loitering around aimlessly. Time was, indeed, the most precious thing on earth.

 A question piqued my curiosity, “Dad, why only 10 minutes. Why can’t we divide our activities into 1 hour slots?”

“Good question,” my dad said, “we can. But shorter the time, more productive you will get; Imagine, if I told you to do those routine activities in 1 hour? Your mind will make your actions slower because you’ll think you have enough time to do it. Even if an activity takes 1 hour, you can segment it into 10 minutes slots.”

“Give an example,” I was eager to know more.

“You can, for instance, segment your workout time,” my dad resumed. “10 minutes- warm-up; 10 minutes- stretching and 10 minutes-yoga,”

“Really amazing, dad; this 10 minutes stuff can make your life on a roll! Instead of long bouts of inactivity, once can benefit from the short bursts of creativity!”

“Yes. The 10 minutes stuff is just an idea. You can also make it 15 minutes or 20 minutes but not longer than that.” My dad paused and continued:

“The 10 minutes mantra can be applied in every aspect of life. A student, a professional, a businessman or anyone can apply this simple but successful technique. Take an example of student. The student can allot 10 minutes time for a topic. After that, he/she can take 2 minutes rest and resume for another ten minutes. He or she can also take time off and read a good book for 10 minutes or allot just 10 minutes for walking. All a student has to do is to be aware of the clock.

Elaborating it further, we humans have a tendency to keep on delaying small things. We know we have to pay bills on time, and still we delay it beyond the due dates. We are aware that our bike’s tyres need to get pumped, yet we don’t care to stop by the car-shop we pass every day. We promise ourselves to go to a temple on a particular day, yet we never seem to keep our own promise on time. Why? Because our mind wanders off and deems such things as unimportant. If we vow to take just 10 minutes or 20 minutes of our entire 24 hours, we would never procrastinate and our life will be million times better.”

My dad concluded: “The 10 minutes, if followed consistently, can have a tremendous effect in anyone’s lifestyle. Procrastination and Idleness will vanish away replaced by focus and intensity. People will tell you they are short of time. No time for the loved ones, no time for pursuing their dreams, no time to eat, no time for their health as if they are the most busiest people on earth! It’s the lamest excuse one can give.

The 10 minutes mantra can keep us organized, keep our otherwise disoriented thoughts in check, balance our life fruitfully and help us to have enough time in our hands. So follow this 10 minutes mantra and see your life turn around at a miraculous pace!”

The initiative factor!

An amusing incident took place in a road side as I walked to home one day. A stack of banana peels lay in the middle of the road causing trouble to the passing vehicles and commuters. Naturally, it attracted hordes of swearing on municipality, infuriating glares and the famous, pan-India “Kya hoga is desh ka?” snide comments from the passers-by. Just as I resumed walking, an elderly lady with a walking stick strode in the middle of the road, crouched low, picked up the banana peels with her bare hands, dumped it into a nearby roadside dustbin and simply walked away! Her so enlighteningly simple act put the onlookers, including me, instantly to shame. No doubt, I, like others, wondered guiltily why I hadn’t thought to act in the first place!

The above scene, to my conscience, can be considered as the finest example of what I would call – Initiative. The Oxford dictionary aptly describes it as –the ability to decide and act on your own without waiting for somebody to tell you what to do. You will agree if I succinctly coin it as the “action-taking syndrome of a human being!” Oh yes, whatever other qualities we may possess, the initiative factor is an inevitable prerequisite to any desired outcome.

Each of us has a deeply rooted desire to achieve success in our life. It wouldn’t be wrong if I say that each of us think out a brilliant plan in our mind, a plan to succeed, a plan to rise to the top. But…analyze carefully – how many of us actually achieve success? Few, isn’t it? And those few are the ones who really put their thoughts into action! They are willing to take first step into the unknown ignoring what would others say and that’s what singles them out from others. The first step is nothing but initiative.

Let us think of initiative as a ubiquitous factor. It is everywhere, omnipresent in every wake of our life. Believe me, if you ponder meticulously and analyze your day-today routine, you would be surprised that life really offers abundant opportunities where you could have taken your own initiative and thus, could have improved as a person. The catch point is that these opportunities are really small ones - like a small act of kindness or a small act of courage, and so on. Proactive thinking is the bait that catches this fish of opportunity.  The impact is definitely impactful on others. The act done by the elderly lady in the above example was really small and simple. But the impact that it put on others was certainly resounding.

Starting a new business or venture, helping a blind crossing a road, being a helping hand to your spouse or parents or colleagues at home or office, deciding to change a bad habit or adopt a new habit, or anything – requires you take the first step on your own.  

Initiative – the first step – is a tree from which branches out qualities like discipline, courage, and so on and help us succeed in every aspect of or life.

Let me illustrate some examples as to how initiatives can be taken to build discipline in your work or at home.    

Mr Z, a late-comer, races to his office. His boss immediately demands a file which he ought to have completed the previous evening. In desperate rush, he enters his office room only to find an added trouble: everything disorganized, unclean and jumbled up. The file in demand is somewhere lost in the mountain of mess. Mr Z’s habits are not uncommon in us.

Instead of depending on others, you can always clean up your table, computer, desks. Before leaving from the office, make sure to arrange the files in their proper place. You can even finish your backlogs of a day by working a little extra. Believe me; your “next day” mood will be on high efficiency. Interestingly, everybody will start taking a leaf from your initiative quality and the overall workplace culture will improve. Other ingenious initiatives include: seeking new ways of doing things, being a helping hand to colleagues and other people around you, being the first to volunteer for new projects, and so on.   

Coming back to Mr Z, he is a late riser in the morning. He wakes up along with his best buddy called “Hurry”! All his things and stuffs are scattered around his room. He couldn’t find his socks, his watch, his wallet, and in maddening rush, he gets angry and starts yelling at anyone who would come across. By the time he leaves his home, his blood pressure is already on high. Yet again, his habits are not uncommon in us.

You can start to organize yourselves by maintain a daily planner, start the habit of “no-sleeping until my room is arranged” at night, being a helping hand to your spouse or parents, start being an early-riser, and so on.   

One may consider the initiatives given above as easy-sounding but doing is the hard part. Taking first step is the hardest of all. Metaphorically, it’s like a space satellite exerting tremendous effort and energy to launch itself off the earth. As the first step of launching gets complete, it glides on smoothly around the earth. Literally speaking, no one’s going to tell you how to take the first step. Victor Hugo puts it rightly: Initiative is doing the right thing without being told!

The Communication Challenge!

How can I ever forget that particular school function day when, as a boy, I walked on to the raised platform, positioned myself behind the podium and faced the audience. And then it happened: All the hitherto excitement of my first public speech squeezed out of me leaving behind an uneasy emptiness borne of nervousness. Legs shaking and sweating gallons, I felt my voice vanishing from my parched throat even as my mind blanked out. I stammered and managed to utter one incoherent line and finally squeaked a “thank you” and left the stage obviously accompanied by none other than extreme humiliation.

We all have, no doubt, faced the above scenario at some point of time in our lives. I bet, the fear of speaking frighten us beyond anything on this earth causing us to shy away from the world and be locked in our room alone even when we know that it’s not the key!

Among the multifaceted forms of communication, let me zero in on a particular skill that prevails over other forms and is an inevitable yardstick of our success. Though we term it as soft skills, yet, ironically, it is quite hard to master! Of course I agree that there are few born with the inborn gift of gab ever ready to mesmerize the listeners with the power of their eloquence and confidence. However, for many of us – it’s not an open sesame!

Soft skills can be defined as the cluster of personality traits, social graces, communication, language, personal habits, interpersonal skills, managing people, leadership, etc, that characterize relationships with other people.

Well if you ask a person about the definition of soft skills, you may probably hear the person terming it as “talking skills”. Recently, at a party, I came across a guy and struck a casual conversation. The guy kept talking, talking and talking with lots of gestures and gesticulations. Okay that was fine. The problem was: he just kept talking about himself: his ideas, his achievements, his problems, his business, his life – He didn’t even bother to ask my name! Wow! Talking skills! No wonder, people were always so willing to run away from him!

Speaking about soft skills, it’s not about just talking, not about memorizing a bunch of bombastic words and throwing them to the listener. It is broad term with wide meaning and huge sphere of elements – body language, tone, pitch, pause, pace the content, the delivery, the fluctuation of facial expressions, and so on.

Well, don’t you confine the soft skills only to public speaking; it is an ubiquitous skill – Whether you are convincing your client, talking to your seniors or juniors, cracking a good joke, interacting with a stranger, striking a business deal, speaking over phone, talking to your family or even bargaining with a vegetable seller!

Mathematically, while having a conversation, the level of interest shown to you is directly proportional to level of interest you show to others. Oh yes – it’s what we could say, the formula of: Give interest, Get interest! Especially, while striking a conversation with a stranger, one must consciously and tactfully ask about their hobbies, interests, career, business, etc, while, at the same time, expressing yourself in a legible manner so as to give the stranger a chance to know more about you. The idea is to get genuinely interested and not just pretending or faking. Well, it takes practice and patience, but over time, one is able to master it.

Many a times, you happen to attend a social event where everyone is a stranger to you. And what’s more worrying is that the people in the party belong to some other field of work completely different from yours. Well, believe me, in such a case, we always feel like we are in a hot crucible where our communication skills are severely tested. We have quite a hard time meeting the people and introducing ourselves. Recently a friend of mine faced this situation. She was a chartered financial analyst and attended a party full of artists and designers. While talking to an artist, she introduced herself and stated her degree. Well, the artist merely nodded, the technical sounding degree bouncing off his mind, and merely managed to say: oh..umm..okay!. Well, she understood the communication gap and tactfully explained that she was a financial planner, arranges finances, advises productive investments for a better return and was also a tax planner, helping people to save their taxes. No doubt, they had a creative discussion, and at the end of the day, the artist became her client. 

So, the basic idea, particularly while talking to a stranger, is to introduce ourselves not just by degree or qualities but by also stating the worth of our degree or qualities and the benefits the stranger may get.    

I was enrolled in a personality development course and we played a game called: The eye effect. We were divided into two groups: Talkers and Listeners. We were to have one-to-one conversation. Now, half of the talkers were secretly instructed to not to have an eye contact while talking to their respective listeners and other half were instructed to maintain a good eye contact. The listeners, of course, had no idea about this. The conversation began and continued for ten minutes. Then, the listeners were told to share their experience with everyone. What they shared was indeed exciting. Half of the listeners complained about the talkers not looking at them, having a bad eye contact. These listeners were actually enraged and felt insulted! The other half listeners were content and reasonably praised the talkers!

So, you must have got the idea from the above game. But you must be frowning with the thought that it’s not a big deal! Even a child knows this etiquette. But then, you cannot deny, that in many instances of our real life, we consciously or unconsciously, do not maintain a good eye contact. Isn’t it?

Kinesics-the body language like: facial expressions, body posture, fidgeting, fumbling, crossing your legs, even the tiniest movements of your eye lashes or lips communicate lot about a person. Communication experts almost always know whether or not are lying by merely observing his/her body language. In fact, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that body language speaks more than the tongue itself! The way of speaking must correlate to the body language. You cannot get angry with a smile on your face!   

The internet-information-boom has benefitted the world at large; the advent of social media sites: Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter, etc., have definitely strengthened the connectivity, no doubt. However, since today’s teenagers spend most of their time in typing and texting messages rather than speaking or doing face to face interaction, it unfortunately hampers their soft skills and hence, their overall personal progress. A research has also shown that excessive indulgence in internet media can lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and even depression because the child or teenager is unable to blend in with the society or friends due to lack of soft skills. Another research has astonishingly yielded that people fear public speaking even more than death!

Well, it would really take a series of books to conclude the complexity and intricacy of soft skills, but I would like to conclude that no matter how many piles of books you devour through, no matter how much you by-heart the techniques, the art of soft skills can be honed and hardened only through three “P”s: Practice, Practice and just Practice. Trust me; it’s just like learning to swim. You have to take the plunge! Good luck!