The Communication Challenge!

How can I ever forget that particular school function day when, as a boy, I walked on to the raised platform, positioned myself behind the podium and faced the audience. And then it happened: All the hitherto excitement of my first public speech squeezed out of me leaving behind an uneasy emptiness borne of nervousness. Legs shaking and sweating gallons, I felt my voice vanishing from my parched throat even as my mind blanked out. I stammered and managed to utter one incoherent line and finally squeaked a “thank you” and left the stage obviously accompanied by none other than extreme humiliation.

We all have, no doubt, faced the above scenario at some point of time in our lives. I bet, the fear of speaking frighten us beyond anything on this earth causing us to shy away from the world and be locked in our room alone even when we know that it’s not the key!

Among the multifaceted forms of communication, let me zero in on a particular skill that prevails over other forms and is an inevitable yardstick of our success. Though we term it as soft skills, yet, ironically, it is quite hard to master! Of course I agree that there are few born with the inborn gift of gab ever ready to mesmerize the listeners with the power of their eloquence and confidence. However, for many of us – it’s not an open sesame!

Soft skills can be defined as the cluster of personality traits, social graces, communication, language, personal habits, interpersonal skills, managing people, leadership, etc, that characterize relationships with other people.

Well if you ask a person about the definition of soft skills, you may probably hear the person terming it as “talking skills”. Recently, at a party, I came across a guy and struck a casual conversation. The guy kept talking, talking and talking with lots of gestures and gesticulations. Okay that was fine. The problem was: he just kept talking about himself: his ideas, his achievements, his problems, his business, his life – He didn’t even bother to ask my name! Wow! Talking skills! No wonder, people were always so willing to run away from him!

Speaking about soft skills, it’s not about just talking, not about memorizing a bunch of bombastic words and throwing them to the listener. It is broad term with wide meaning and huge sphere of elements – body language, tone, pitch, pause, pace the content, the delivery, the fluctuation of facial expressions, and so on.

Well, don’t you confine the soft skills only to public speaking; it is an ubiquitous skill – Whether you are convincing your client, talking to your seniors or juniors, cracking a good joke, interacting with a stranger, striking a business deal, speaking over phone, talking to your family or even bargaining with a vegetable seller!

Mathematically, while having a conversation, the level of interest shown to you is directly proportional to level of interest you show to others. Oh yes – it’s what we could say, the formula of: Give interest, Get interest! Especially, while striking a conversation with a stranger, one must consciously and tactfully ask about their hobbies, interests, career, business, etc, while, at the same time, expressing yourself in a legible manner so as to give the stranger a chance to know more about you. The idea is to get genuinely interested and not just pretending or faking. Well, it takes practice and patience, but over time, one is able to master it.

Many a times, you happen to attend a social event where everyone is a stranger to you. And what’s more worrying is that the people in the party belong to some other field of work completely different from yours. Well, believe me, in such a case, we always feel like we are in a hot crucible where our communication skills are severely tested. We have quite a hard time meeting the people and introducing ourselves. Recently a friend of mine faced this situation. She was a chartered financial analyst and attended a party full of artists and designers. While talking to an artist, she introduced herself and stated her degree. Well, the artist merely nodded, the technical sounding degree bouncing off his mind, and merely managed to say: oh..umm..okay!. Well, she understood the communication gap and tactfully explained that she was a financial planner, arranges finances, advises productive investments for a better return and was also a tax planner, helping people to save their taxes. No doubt, they had a creative discussion, and at the end of the day, the artist became her client. 

So, the basic idea, particularly while talking to a stranger, is to introduce ourselves not just by degree or qualities but by also stating the worth of our degree or qualities and the benefits the stranger may get.    

I was enrolled in a personality development course and we played a game called: The eye effect. We were divided into two groups: Talkers and Listeners. We were to have one-to-one conversation. Now, half of the talkers were secretly instructed to not to have an eye contact while talking to their respective listeners and other half were instructed to maintain a good eye contact. The listeners, of course, had no idea about this. The conversation began and continued for ten minutes. Then, the listeners were told to share their experience with everyone. What they shared was indeed exciting. Half of the listeners complained about the talkers not looking at them, having a bad eye contact. These listeners were actually enraged and felt insulted! The other half listeners were content and reasonably praised the talkers!

So, you must have got the idea from the above game. But you must be frowning with the thought that it’s not a big deal! Even a child knows this etiquette. But then, you cannot deny, that in many instances of our real life, we consciously or unconsciously, do not maintain a good eye contact. Isn’t it?

Kinesics-the body language like: facial expressions, body posture, fidgeting, fumbling, crossing your legs, even the tiniest movements of your eye lashes or lips communicate lot about a person. Communication experts almost always know whether or not are lying by merely observing his/her body language. In fact, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that body language speaks more than the tongue itself! The way of speaking must correlate to the body language. You cannot get angry with a smile on your face!   

The internet-information-boom has benefitted the world at large; the advent of social media sites: Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter, etc., have definitely strengthened the connectivity, no doubt. However, since today’s teenagers spend most of their time in typing and texting messages rather than speaking or doing face to face interaction, it unfortunately hampers their soft skills and hence, their overall personal progress. A research has also shown that excessive indulgence in internet media can lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and even depression because the child or teenager is unable to blend in with the society or friends due to lack of soft skills. Another research has astonishingly yielded that people fear public speaking even more than death!

Well, it would really take a series of books to conclude the complexity and intricacy of soft skills, but I would like to conclude that no matter how many piles of books you devour through, no matter how much you by-heart the techniques, the art of soft skills can be honed and hardened only through three “P”s: Practice, Practice and just Practice. Trust me; it’s just like learning to swim. You have to take the plunge! Good luck!     

Great Health, Greatest Wealth!

Refreshed and energized by the yoga class held on Sunday on the eve of International Yoga Day, I was heading back to my home, thinking about the noble cause that our nation, along with others countries, has taken up to propagate this concept of spiritual fitness across the globe, when my cell phone suddenly beeped. As hundreds of messages of “Happy Yoga Day!” flashed on the screen from all social media like Whatsapp and Facebook, an ironic thought dawned on my mind: Publicity is fine. But then: how many of us who are actively typing the message of “Happy Yoga Day!” actually implement it in our life?

Zeroing in on broader issues, we all read articles on health issues, talk a lot about it and even hear some inspiring sermons on fitness stuff. We are so enthusiastic about it! Isn’t it? But do we show the same enthusiasm by actually doing the “health work”? – A question to wonder.

Okay, I agree to the fact that most of us are making a beeline for fitness: hitting the gyms, yoga centers, doing aerobics and so on. (Keep it up!) But still, you cannot deny that the “Health Hazard” line have been on a steep rise on the Health Graph for a decade or so. Of course, the advancement and breakthroughs in medical science have helped keeping many diseases at bay like polio and malaria, and even wiped off monsters like Small Pox and Rinderpest. Nevertheless, the rise of health problems seems endless.

In fact, it has become an everyday topic as we hear from our friends, colleagues or relatives contracting some kind of disease or ailment. Oh yes, for instance, let’s talk about the ‘commoners’: diabetes, obesity, high or low-blood pressure, chronic cough, depression, hypertension, ulcers, Alzheimer and so many countless names have become our common foes. It wouldn’t be a surprise if I say that at least one member in every family is the owner of one of these common diseases! And speaking about the ‘fatal foes’, the heart attacks, cancers, asthma attacks, AIDS obviously boast themselves on the top list of “Health Terrorists” ready to strike not only the aged ones but the youngsters too! Recently, the newcomers have also joined the team of the fatal foes: Ebola, Swine flu and other deadly viruses have proved more dangerous than any human terrorist group.              

Now, what does being healthy mean? Before answering, please pose this question to a modern, sophisticated, western-influenced youth and, believe me, he or she would probably (and even confidently) coin the definition of being healthy by inserting terms like: rippling muscles, throbbing biceps, toned skin, picture perfect looks, ‘Greek-God’ like bodies, not to mention the uber-famous cult status of the sexy six packs and the sensual zero figure! Wow! What a healthy body!

Oh, you may be frowning at me with the question that what’s wrong in it? Well, there’s nothing wrong in building a Hollywood hero type physic. What I am trying to tell is: “What you see may not be so”. Merely being strong and muscled from outside does not make you fit. Physical fitness must befriend mental and spiritual fitness as well. A person may be physically strong but mentally weak and vice versa. Yoga – a gift to the world – is a medium for all round fitness. Also, a recent study said that reading positive thinking and motivational books boosts mental fitness! (A food for thought).        

Fitness is a broad term with a wide concept. There are numerous ways to maintain fitness and can be categorized as follows -  

Natural Fitness – As the term explains, natural methods can be resorted to: Morning Walk, jogging, exercising, yoga and so on. The bottom line is that those resorting to these methods must take their own initiatives to wake up early in morning, and will themselves to act.

Equipment Fitness: This has become a popular trend among the youths. Hitting the gyms is on high demand. Fitness equipments like treadmills, swing-machines, exercise bikes, weights, dumbbells, twisters, et al are in vogue. They give the body a controlled environment. It’s certainly okay to resort to his method. However, care should be taken to avoid taking chemicals like steroids, tablets, artificial muscle boosters.

Creative Fitness: This is also an innovative method. It involves aerobics, dance, swimming, sports, et al. It not keeps you fit but is also a good source of creative refreshment and entertainment.

Tablet Fitness: Oh, I know you are scratching your head. Well, this is what I call a negative fitness and unfortunately this method is on a high rise. Most of the people are depending on medicines, tablets, artificial products as if these are the life savers! Believe me, this method is the best buddy of diseases! People adopting these always think of getting early in morning – Just keep on thinking. Amusingly, the action part never comes!

In fact the last category of tablet fitness occurs due to the following reasons:

The Machine Effect: All work and no play make jack a dull boy! Sitting long-hours in front of computers, watching TV after coming from office (couch potatoes) or playing video games instead of outdoor ones are the reasons. The machines have made our work easy and also made us lazy!

The Junky Effect: Today’s junksters (oh sorry, youngsters!), are attracted to the irresistible aroma of pizzas, pastas, patties and so on. No doubt, they become the magnet for health ailments!

The Ad’s Effect: Who doesn’t get magnetized by the glitz and glamour of the advertisements? The picture perfect models boast of their bodies by taking high sounding creams, potions, and chemicals. And what is more – we seriously believe them. What a sheer folly!             

Seriously speaking, doctors, physicians, and others comprise of the most important part of our society given their social and humane obligations. If blood is the lifeline, they are the life saviors. Many charitable hospitals and institutes have opened to cater to the care of poor and needy. However, unfortunately, some of these elite life saviors have become life takers! The cases of misdiagnosis, wrong dosage of medicines, careless and impersonal attitude, money demanding occur every other day or so. Pragmatic steps must be taken by the government to check such malpractices and spread awareness. Human life is of course the first priority and should not be treated with casualness. The Swacch Bharat Abhiyan initiative taken by our Prime Minister is a praiseworthy step of the government for a hygienic India and consequent reduction in health related problems.

Before I say you goodbye, let us all vow to make health our topmost and foremost priority. And not only vow but act too! Because we all very well know: Great Health is indeed the Greatest Wealth!                

Your Funny Side Up! (Hooked up with humour!)

We were relishing a comedy show in TV: A royal, arrogant looking young man walks into a high-class function not realizing there was spilled water in front. Alas! He puts his foot upon the wet floor, loses his balance, his posture at a laughably awkward angle and just before he’s about to fall, he somehow manages to pull himself back to normalcy and pretends with a big, fake, pretentious grin that nothing has happened!

Needless to say, we all burst out laughing to the point of tears and stomach aches! Well, it’s just not in TV. It does happen; to all of us. Awkward incidents and occurrences full of folly and farce keep popping around us. Humour, indeed, is life’s hilarious offer! 

We are all born with humour within us; attached to our DNA. Just mull over it: The amazing ability to smile, to laugh, to feel amused and funny is nothing short of life’s miracle. Science cannot explain or quantify them in logical terms.

I’m not kidding when I say that “Happiness and Humour” are like happily married couple! Directly proportional - When in humour, you are happy. And, when you are happy, you are a natural humorist! And of course, it’s a skill one can hone up to achieve success in life. Oh yes, it’s the truth. People with good sense of humour really have the knack of getting along well with others, have the flair of getting things done seemingly easily and effortlessly. One can even say - The chuckles, chortles and cackles, if used carefully, act as catalysts to a charismatic persona!    

Look around and you’ll stumble upon variety of humour everywhere. Variety? Yeah, you read it right. Let’s talk about everyday humour. It’s the hidden hilarity or humour that greets you almost every day. One just has to have the keen sense to observe it. It might be a funny face you see or funny voice of your friend that tickles your funny bones. It might be a funny argument with your better half (Alas! Those humorously henpecked husbands!). Or it might be a comical incident – Recently in morning, I saw a hungry cat chasing a horrified rat around the house. I couldn’t help but laugh: Cats really have to be fast enough to have their breakfast! Likewise, I saw a naughty boy splashing a bucketful of water on a sleeping puppy. The poor creature yelped and scuttled off with its tail between its legs! While that could make you giggle, you better should not. Playing pranks can be branded as “ill sense of humour” by PETA. So think before you laugh! So, all in all, everyday humour has its own benefits! The LOL moments of the day can make your life on a roll!  

Created humour is of another kind. Reading jokes or comics, watching a slapstick drama, comedy shows or videos or movies full of wits and puns are the best recreational activities in today’s world. In fact, joke clubs or laughing clubs come to the rescue of stressed out people. If you are in stress, head off to such a club and laugh your head off with others without any reason! It really uplifts the mood and keeps you upbeat all the day.

Self humour is of a special kind. It’s the ability to laugh at your own mistakes or silliness. It’s the skill to smile through your difficulties and emerge out as a winner. Hurting-humour or Ill-humour is another kind that should be avoided at any cost. Laugh with others and not at others must be kept in mind.        

Now, seriously speaking, one should stop being so serious about things! In today’s world of cut-throat competition, life has become monotonously mundane. You can’t deny. Forget about laughing, people have sacrificed their smiles for silly things like money and materialism. People meet and greet with no smiles or artificial ones on their faces. Their smiles do not extend fully to their eyes. The saying Smile costs nothing has literally become passé!   

Sometimes I fantasize about our future. I won’t gasp with surprise if a child, in near future, is born without any humour. Humourless Humans is the next evolution, I daresay. Believe me, if that’s the case, Laughter-Profession will be the emerging scope. People with Special Comic Skills will be in high demand, will be highly paid, and will be equivalent to engineers and doctors. In fact, Laughing Gas Booths will be installed across the cities. You just have to enter the booth, put on the mask, breath the gas, laugh out heartily and come out refreshed! Ha-Ha!

Well, well, well, I might’ve sacred you out your wits, wittily enough! So let’s all pray to the heavens for not cursing us with such a funny-less future! Let us take three vows. (I am not speaking of woes, mind you! But humorous vows that would make your life full of wows!). 

Vow no.1: Look out for humour every day, everywhere!  

Vow no.2: Laugh out loud with others, even for no reason at all, because that’s the very reason for you to be happy! 

Vow no.3: Vow to follow these two vows all your life to keep your funny side up! Wow!

Funny English!

As I casually flipped through the pages of an old magazine, I stumbled across a one-page-advertisement of the world’s largest chain of hamburger restaurants -Mc Donald’s. Wondering when this “hamburger giant” would open a new door for foodies in Guwahati, my eyes fell on its famous tagline –

I am loving it! Well, I couldn’t help but smile as a different train of thought crossed my mind – The notorious blunders of the English language spreading like a pan-India pandemic! 

 

“I love it” is the correct form that should have been used, but then “I am loving it” sounds more active and attractive to the youngistans even if it is grammatically incorrect! In fact, this commercial tagline is so popular, so influential that it has managed to weave its way into our daily conversations. I am loving this dress, I am loving this movie, we are loving that speech, are quite common. You won’t be surprised if you witness a young couple sharing a delicious hamburger in Mc Donald’s and suddenly the boy gives a mischievous smile to his sweetheart, saying, “I am loving you!”

It seems that Indians do have the annoying talent of using ing at the end of almost everything. It is called gerund : a noun in the form of the present participle of a verb. Let’s take a quick look at the various examples having the wrong use of ing –

1.       This meat is smelling very good. (Correct: This meat smells very good.)

2.       I am hoping that she passes her exams. (Correct: I hope that she passes her exams)

3.       I am knowing him. (Correct: I know him)

4.       I am hating this soup. (Correct: I hate this soup)

I am definitely not loving the above sentences! Are you? Unnecessary gerund-ing!  

The Indians’ grasp of English language is somewhat lose.  Oh, Sorry! Did I say Lose? It should be loose. Yes, it’s one of the common blunders. Lose means to suffer a loss and loose means not fitting. Likewise, while writing, one should be careful with the homonyms like ideal or idle, hair or hare, etc.  

 Most of these blunders go unnoticed like a thief even by the professional writers. And these blunders have the amazing ability to create a double effect: Annoying as well as comic! So, it is adviced to pay little heed to the nuisances of this language as it may lead you into trouble if you are writing a job resume or an article or anything. Some of these mistakes are so common that people almost always make mistake despite knowing its correct usage. I say this because if you have paid a tidbit of attention to what I have just written then you may have frowned (or even smiled) at the word adviced. Oh yes! I used this word as a verb. So it should have been advise and not advice. Speaking clearly, advice is used as a noun and advise is used as a verb. Another example is prophecy (noun) and prophesy (verb).

There are countless instances of these flaws infecting the English like a virus does to its host. And excitingly many of them have become an integral part of the language. The use of the word “naa” at the end of many conversations is one of them:

You know naa?

 Please tell me naa!

The weather is beautiful naa?

You love me naa?

“Naa” always remains at the tip of our tongue all set to launch itself out at the end of every line! Believe me it gives us an uncanny sense of completeness and satisfaction!

 Other instances which should be avoided at any cost are:

I didn’t knew (Correct: Know)

He don’t realize it! (Correct: Doesn’t)

One of my friend is coming (Correct: Friends)

Having said all these let me return back to the gerund part. Oh! Again I will apologize. It should only be return and not return back. Likewise, it should not be merge together but only together.  

Now, actually returning to the gerund (ing) let me throw light on one of the most annoyingly comic mistakes that we come across while glancing at the names of hotels, motels and restaurants. You already may have made a shrewd guess. Oh yes, it’s Fooding & Lodging. Really, this has become most used caption of almost every food hub! Mother of all mistakes! No one dares correct it. Whenever my eyes fall on it, I start shaking my head irritably.

Mark my words! This trade name could test your patience. It tested mine. One day, unable to contain myself any more, I intentionally strode into to a small, newly opened, local hotel (bearing Fooding & lodging). Of course, blatant asking would have sounded rude. So, out of courtesy I ordered a cup of tea and planned how I would say to the manager about the common blunder of fooding & lodging. Having finished, I went over to the counter to pay the bill.

 Smiling broadly, I put the money on his table and said, “The tea was nice, dada”

The manager simply smiled.

 I grabbed the chance, “Your hotel will surely flourish given the good quality and good location.”

He smiled even broadly, nodding his head.

Then screwing my face slightly to reflect a look of doubt, I ventured in to the criticizing part and said slowly, “But the name of your hotel has a little flaw, dada”

The smile upon the manager instantly vanished replaced by a questioning look, “How?” he barked.

Speaking tentatively, I said, “The caption fooding and lodging should be changed to food and lodging. It’s grammatically incorrect, you know.”

The manager rolled his eyes upwards and stared hard at me, as though I had gone mad! However, he rearranged his expression into an expressionless face (maybe he thought that talking rudely to a customer would hamper his newly opened business) and said, “Everyone does so! Fooding and lodging sounds more rhythmic than food and lodging!”

I immediately gave up and walked out of the hotel. It could not have been funnier. Once out of earshot, I burst out laughing heartily at the logic given by the hotel manager. I thanked the manger from the bottom of my heart as he taught me new concept of English that could not be found in any book, dictionary or anywhere: Rhythmic English! Wow! I am loving it!